farmsuggestion:

so baby pull me closer in the backseat of your tractor that i know you love to drive bite the ear corn off yer counter pull the wheat right out the soil of the acres you inherit from your caring farmer father we ain’t ever out of season we ain’t ever out of season

schmergo:

Contrary to popular stereotypes associated with fanfiction, I have never written a sex scene, but I did once write a scene in which Voldemort went on a blind date with someone he met on the internet, but it turned out to be Harry Potter catfishing him, so I’m not sure what’s worse

neilnevins:

Had a dream that McDonald’s had a big ad campaign that just said “WE HAVE IT” in black cryptic writing. So I went to a drive thru and said “I saw the sign. Can I have it” and the speaker was silent for a solid ten seconds before saying “do you think you’re ready” in my voice and I screamed and drove away