The signs as Wikihow Article Titles

dankmeme-astrology:

Aries: How to cope with having no friends

Taurus: 3 ways to join the mafia

Gemini: How to be a good telemarketer: 7 steps

Cancer: How to become a commercial pilot

Leo: How to wear orange lipstick

Virgo: How to make a baby laugh

Libra: How to model for Playboy

Scorpio: How to attract bats to your backyard

Sagittarius: How to fake your own death

Capricorn: How to pronounce ‘meme’

Aquarius: How to exorcise your house or dwelling

Pisces: How to breed beef cattle

tsarcasm:

not to harp on this point but the care with which a girl you’ve known for maybe three weeks will ask you “what’s wrong?” if you look even mildly distressed is more emotional labor than you’d receive from any man over the course of six lunar cycles

if my dad sees me crying, he pretends he’s getting a call so that we don’t have to have an awkward conversation, but a drunk girl who stumbled across me in a public bathroom would literally become my emotional triage nurse

shanology:

bettydays:

a concept: i have finished my wip. there are no spelling, usage, or grammatical errors. all open conflicts have been seamlessly resolved. my otp has engaged in emotionally validating and sexually satisfying fornication. i hit refresh on ao3 to find a 20% kudos to hits ratio. a dozen 200-word analytical comments wait in my inbox, praising me on my literary conviction and clever use of canon in my fresh perspective au world. my readers recommend it to other readers. it becomes fandom famous, known by the acronym of its title which has a flourishing tumblr tag. this is the apex; i have arrived.

I’d settle for “I have finished my wip”

a bop, a banger, and a jam are all different

walkingdorito:

ororosmunroe:

insomniac-arrest:

but you have to feel the difference in your heart

a bop is something light or something you casually enjoy. you don’t mind it/it’s cute in the moment. 

a banger is something goes hard (some times unnecessarily) can invoke deep emotions. can fizzle out after some time has passed. 

a jam is something that can be considered as nostalgic. it is a song that is a personal anthem, no matter what you are going through you just respond to it. it is immortal.