just walks around your house with one of these and puts out all your candles
when u open tumblr in public & porn comes up
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the face of a bird who fully understands what he did and will do it again.
WHAT DID HE ORDER???
OMFG HE ORDERED A WHOLE BUNCH OF STRAWBERRIES
berries.
berries.
berries.
@zaiqukaj Harpies tho
Lady: “Alexa, read my shopping list.”
Alexa: “You have 19 items on your shopping list. Here are the five most recent.
Poetry, strawberries, strawberries, strawberries, strawberries.”*Lady laughs*
Alexa: “Would you like to hear the next five items?”
Lady: *laughing* “Who ordered this strawberries? (yes please?)”
Alexa: “You have 19 items on your shopping list, Here are the five most recent. *cuts* – the next five items?
Lady: “Yes please”
Alexa: “Strawberry yogurt, easy water, jeans, Harry, big tofu. Would you like to hear the next five items?”
Lady: *laughing high pitched* yes!
Alexa: “Big, big, red retreat, milk, berry. Do you want to hear the last four items?”
Lady: “Please yes” *wheezy laughter*
Alexa: “Apple, berry, berry, berries”
*Lady burst into laughter* “Ohh hoo”
Big Tofu
deleting your vent post 3 minutes after compulsively writing it
Person: What do you and your friends talk about online
He looks like a fleshlight
It would have cost you $0.00 to not say that and yet you did.
5 is like an honorary even number
why does this make sense?





















