vampireapologist:

bettsplendens:

vampireapologist:

boguscantaloupe:

vampireapologist:

ever since i was little i have been terrified of paddlefish. i saw a couple’a paddlefish swimmin around at the shedd aquarium in chicago and i knew they just weren’t for me. no wildlife had or has ever really scared me except for them. in my fear i still had curiosity so i read about them and the little sign said they live in the ohio river, which was bad news for me.

for years every time we drove over the river and i was terrified the bridge would collapse and we’d plummet into the murky depths and we’d all survive miraculously only so a paddlefish could swim through our shattered window.

when i got to college to study wildlife i found out that paddlefish are endangered in ohio and required our protection. I thought …..how Inconvenient.

Now I will dedicate my life and passion to them.

but they better not EVER look at me.

This? This is what you’re afraid of? These fish with handles?

I am who I am and I don’t owe anyone any explanation

those fish with handles get Big! person-sized or so. they swim around with their mouths open like idiots and eat whatever small things go down their throat. 

I’m not being sarcastic. I wish you’d been my ichthyology professor.

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

Me, absolutely losing my mind before Hozier came on stage: it’d be so weird to like….just Imagine if people were This excited to see you. It’d be overwhelming I think.

Tacie: it’d be like if you walked out on stage in front of your followers.

Me: no actually if I did that at least 50 of them would shoot me point blank

People think I’m joking but I know at least one of you genuinely wants me dead and that’s why I go to the gym