ok well I have gotten a diagnosis (?) reguarding what I am and apparently it is a Multidimensional singular entity case . Does that mean anything to anyone because I still feel like monster is just an easier way of spelling it out to people I meet ? I ‘ m just me I ‘ m just Ama . It is a struggle to not know what you are but it is a struggle to have a label put on you as well. Can anyonerelate or am I alone again
look I know you’re tired, and I know you’re scared. scared of that daunting task, scared of screwing up that daunting task. I get that you might be mad at yourself for procrastinating or letting the work with seemingly far away deadlines pile up and suddenly it’s 1am and you realise your thesis for that essay is horrible and you have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. but all of that is in the past, all of those decisions in the past and you can wallow in anger and self loathing and continue to put off things you know are important, or, you could utilise the time you have right now to do as much of it as you possibly can as soon as you can. so go onto google calendar, or grab your planner, or a scrap of paper or hell, a napkin, and figure out the time you have on your hands in the next 24 hours, estimate how long you think those big horrible, breath shaking and head-in-hands inducing tasks will take. if you get it done in that time, great. if you don’t, move on, you have other shit to do. it’s better to have 85% of most things done than 98% of one thing done and 2% of another thing done that will turn out to be equally as important. save yourself further stress, do the napkin plan thing, block social media sites, write down what you’re feeling if you’re feeling anything immense, because emotions tend to take your mind off things, and get it done. Whether it’s %100, %85 or even %10, get some of it done.
wow people are actually taking the time to read this.
– You have to shower. You cannot shower. You are standing right in front of the shower. You want to shower. You cannot shower.
– The meeting begins. “Did everyone see the email?” There is a chorus of nodding heads. You nod, too. You think you may possibly have checked an email account before, on one single occasion, at some unknown time, probably in a past life.
– You are hungry. You have been hungry for three days now. The hunger has not spontaneously resolved itself. How inconvenient, you think. How rude.
– You depend on your planner/calendar. You loathe your planner/calendar. You can’t function without it. You live in constant fear of it. It’s an unhealthy relationship. You think you both should start seeing other people.
– There is a pile on your floor. It is a treasure trove, the Room of Requirement. It has everything. You look for something specific. It has nothing. There was never any pile.
– There’s been a change of plans, they say. You don’t understand. They repeat: “there’s been a change of plans.” You don’t understand. The mere suggestion causes a buzzing in your head that drowns out everything else. You don’t understand.
– You’re in class and you don’t understand the lecture. You look back at your past notes. You look at a calendar. You have not been to class in two weeks. You have no memory of this supposed time. Where did it go? Why did it leave?
– “Organizational tips for success: Keep a planner! Write it down! Stick to a schedule! Make a list!” You are torn between deranged laughter and ugly crying. You choose both.
punkpixel 