disillusioned–delusion:

Me: Toast seems like a safe meal. I’ll put in some toast.

Me: *Puts in bread*

Me: *Stands next to the toaster for a solid two minutes*

Me: What am I doing here?

Toast: *Pops*

Me: *Screams*

malglories:

me, writing, throwing commas around like i’ve just won the lottery and i’m exulting in my winnings, needlessly, passionately, with no thought to the consequences,

beyonslayed:

darknetexclusivetouhouterrorcore:

unregistered-hypercam2:

anditssunday:

the left just wants mass amounts of illegal immigrants to live in the usa so that nice straight white boys like me are the only ones signed up for selective service and that way the next time there’s a big war we get exterminated so women and minorities can take over the country once we’re gone

this is the best post on this entire website

i do want this specifically

john–laurens:

Anne: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Eddie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need no degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, V?

Venom: Probably “road work ahead”

Dan: I speak many languages, and this is none of them

krafteasymac:

trashboat:

whenever i see a frog on a lily pad im like yeah man… thats exactly where youre supposed to be

that’s what god says when he sees me crying in a taco cabana bathroom

just-shower-thoughts:

Millennials hating on fortnite and kids doing fortnite dances is the first step in their inevitable transformation into the grumpy older generation that hates whatever younger people enjoy and insists their version was better