in an attempt to appeal to the pathos of my potential employers, i wrote my resume using the same format a no-kill shelter would use to describe a geriatric dog
i am a gentle, mild-mannered young man looking for a forever job to spend the rest of my years in. though i may not be the most talented and versatile person on the job market, i’m the perfect employee for someone out there, and that someone just might be you(r company)!
I’m a very special girl who has captured the hearts of all our volunteers, but just keeps getting overlooked when it comes to that forever boss to call my own! Could it be you? I can use Excel and the toilet. Vaccinated.
i’m a grower not a show-er
what do this mean u might ask?
means my peepee dumb small when it’s soft but when i get hard my shit bigger than your feet
anyway
the upside to this? no one ever expects how big i get when i’m hard it’s like “dam i ain’t even notice u got a big ass dick boy”
the downside?
if i get pantsed in public i immediately have to start jacking off before i pull my pants back up in order to get hard if not everyone will think i’m packing chicken nugget when in reality im not vegan but i brought the cucumber with me
punkpixel 