aries: sledding down two alleys across busy roads “hoping for the best”
taurus: fell backward through a window during a tickle fight
gemini: ran into a group of drunk scottish lads in matching v-necks, asked if they were one direction
cancer: climbed barefoot onto a CVS Pharmacy roof to catch a chicken
leo: grabbed an electric fence to prove i would grab an electric fence
virgo: ate poison ivy
libra: coaxed a stray dog to get into my car, but it turned out to be a particularly brave coyote
scorpio: fought a snapping turtle over territory rights
sagittarius: got lost alone in pittsburgh at 1 am in a full leg cast
capricorn: ate a buckeye because “if a squirrel can eat it why cant i”
aquarius: fell face-first into a ravine playing capture the flag
pisces: climbed into a cardboard box and shut it so my friends could “safely” push me down two flights of stairs
the signs as things i shouldn’t have lived through but did
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